just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
