you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
