Don't make out with my wife yet
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
