saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
