Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
