Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
why do cheetos always look like penises
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
