The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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