if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
