lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
They have beer where we have blood.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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