it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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