you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
