help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
