If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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