ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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