Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
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