She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
