Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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