Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
