apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Hippo gnu deer
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
