get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
