Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
