OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
