But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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