i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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