Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
