He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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