thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
