i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
