I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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