Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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