are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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