I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i barfeds in our rink
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
