DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
