good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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