Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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