Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
