2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
