nut hugger
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
