her facebook's as public as her vagina
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
