my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
