I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
