You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
