I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Randomize
