Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
