Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Randomize
