mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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