u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
