i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
