Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
