I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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