my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
